my boyfriend's ex is still close with his familywidener football roster

Food arrived and he came and got me. Many people hide their true identity and only Husband and Wives know what that truth is. Then her familys homes and gradually his. I dont think people understand until theyve gone through it themselves. My family abandoned me at the time I needed them the most. but the family stands with her, and no contact he is out of the picture the adult kids still have contact but not my cousin.. 8 Signs He Is NOT Over Her, How To Make Him Miss You Like Crazy After A Breakup 12 Simple Steps, He Says He Doesnt Want A Relationship? He let her what it would cause, that itd be disrespectful, hurtful if she did it. Stay around for the sake of your children but beyond that, find new friends and hobbies and move on. Or he dated her for a long time and wants to keep them as memories. I was excited until I learned that they were moving into a house five doors down from my ex-husband. My sister invited him over to her house and they all played happy families for quite a while until he went over to Thailand. I was beyond excited that I would have the chance to be close to my little sister, nieces, and new baby nephew. That, dear poster, IS moving on despite the scars and the odd pangs you feel which serve as a reminder not to settle for poor treatment again. My Situationship Broke Up With Me Unexpectedly. I dont buy it. My bf said that if he had the chance he would hangout with his exs family because they were there for him during a rough time and he respects them for that. He and his Ex have been best friends for nearly 15 years before and after their relationship. I knew from very early on that I didnt truly love her but I didnt really let myself believe that until things just got worse and worse throughout the years. I left his family alone out of respect for him but hes basically taken mine from me. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. This means that we may include adverts from us and third parties based on our knowledge of you. Calling it awkward is an understatement. My problem is that his ex-live-in lover is still invited to all family functions, and he even invites her to his house for events like the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and even Christmas. Curious how you would react? Lowest of the low. then my best friend came acrooss a picture on face book with him and a nother younger girl my son age took 2gether on her post in a relationship.. he ended up in jail i found out by texting a comment 2 her from a statement she posted bout him not coming home , she reply bak ur so stupid he in jail . My mother in law was going to move her back here and into her home we had heard through the grapevine. They have been the only family I had for the last two decades. I dont think youre being unreasonable. 9. They fail to understand how this makes me feel no matter how much I tell them. You could draw the line and tell your boyfriend that you're not going to events as long as his ex is there. You are v welcome because it has taken me 3 years to really understand how toxic these kind of people are with many periods of tears and self doubt and I think that says it all. I think you have to do what is right for you. I am experiencing the exact same thing. What hurts most is theyve held me as Ive cried through all of this. Many Trans also believe it is child abuse. My Dad was married to a woman for over ten years. He refuses to pay his share of health care costs, like dental work. :/, Did you even read the column? I had to go to therapy for it. Ever since they dated when she was a teen, I had a close relationship with him. Divorce is one of the most hardest thing youll do & then to end up that you have no family! My poor mother caught so much flak from people when she finally broke free. She was mad when I took him to play baseball near my house (on her Exs day) And she called the church to say that he was not to go to Religious Education anymore. This woman took my husband which was a total POS but now she is taking my family away from me as well. Instead of passively participating in it. They lock the door. Had an adulterous affair, etc. In todays age people throw around abuse and narcissist like it going out of style. My son keeps a very distant, casual relationship with him but has no respect for him now that he is older and sees him for what he is. I know what you mean I was married 27 yrs, we lost a son when he was 18 and 7 yrs later we were getting a divorce he told me I gave you so many years to straighten up and you didnt. Yet she has my Ex over to fix her house and he has playdates with my nephews. Emily. They never showed much interest in my brother or his children and after I ended contact they quickly lost what little interest they had. He divorced me and it appears he also got my family in the settlement. I went and continue to go through the same struggle but on the positive side, eventually, my children understood that what my ex did was for his own interests and not theirs. My ex-husband is doing something very similar. Dear John . For years Ive only been writing in Dutch, but in 2019 I started writing in English as well after many women asked for it. I was closer to his mother than I was ever to my own, but his family has cut me out completely. But still NEVER be interested in her as a romantic partner again. I am commenting based on your own words, not his/their side of story. Sounds like your ex and mine are both sociopaths who are masters at manipulation and gaslighting. His ex wife also has bipolar disorder which is a big part of why they divorced. Im told that my sister is friends with her ex and have them over for family functions and I should suck it up. Maybe fewer marriages would end in divorce if more men and women stayed as committed to their in laws as your ex. Not cool. I dont think I could do better myself In fact I think youre handling it better than I would. Lets suppose you just entered into a relationship with a guy who seems to be doing all the right things, such as: Its as if he routinely does all the right things. Sad! She never asks me how things are going with my Ex, and when my cousins are around and THEY ask, she stays really quiet- WHICH of course is indicative that she realizes that her relationship with him is not 100% kosher. He just left the kids and I. second.. your sister and mom are your kids family just as their father is. You should be taking the children to go see his family as well. Sporting events, kids birthdays, sure.but Thanksgiving and Christmas is taking it too far. She married too to another man, bu she still contact him 2-3 times a month after i married with him.. I was starting to think I was the only one going through this maddening circumstance. We were 2 months from the divorce hearing. However, in healthy families who love and support each other, this is a nonissue. weve been dating for just about 5 months now and he talks to her sometimes and brings her up from time to time knowing it bothers me. They KNOW and have talked to me about how hurtful this would be. Why? Its a form of respect, it should be understandable to the ex also without having to assume the family hates him. I would actually suggest its a mothers love thats not sincere for her own child if she cant support her own flesh and blood. She has the problem precisely because of their unsupportive and downright strange behaviour. I think Ill share this post with my siblings and mother so they get an idea of the hurt and damage being done. We arent friends but can get along enough to try to do whats best for our five kids. Your last sentence says it all. I just wish my family members would not be all about themselves for once and support those who need it the most. I dont trust him and worry that if I were to let my guard down he would find a way to manipulate the situation. Dont let him sleep in your head rent free. Anyway, I feel very good about nicely turning him down. You need to have the support from your family that you made the right decision to be divorced. Bless you and stay strong . My heart is broken and I cry a lot. What would you do if you just found out that your boyfriend still is friends with his ex's family? Put your ego aside and be happy your kids and extended family is happy even though your not. This same scenario happens when there are NO children involved. you have to walk away.. if you go to church, especially non denominational, you make new family. Almost done! We were very close. Thanks Tim for this, i was going to roast my boyfriend tonight and probably even break up but after this article i think i might give him more time. It sounds like you feel really isolated and that isnt fair, he doesnt get his family AND yours. You dont need to hate him or say you hate him if he hasnt behaved badly but you do need to think of your daughters feelings as she should be your primary concern. This was your relationship that ended and although family may like the person your with around, they need to respect that you have ended your life with them. I dont mind not only do I not mind I encourage it.. just because our 12 year relationship ended in a rather fucked up way. Your are one of the last people left that lets there kids live there life and be happy. Im not sorry to say that a boundary line has definitely been crossed!! I feel like an emotional mess and cry any time I think about all of it. ), Amazing indeed, it doesnt matter what part of the world you are. No matter how hard I try to not let it bother me, it does. My family took my exs side in a child custody dispute. Its just unfortunate and heartbreaking when your own family doesnt respect those boundaries. The Thanksgiving before my divorce we were at my parents house. Not one would stand for it if it were them. But they still text each other often (he wont block her) and occasionally meet with each other (she wont leave him alone?). How cruel and heartless. They denied speaking to my daughter. However, he will be ensuring he is coming across as caring, great father. I feel a lot more disloyalty in this visit than in the 20s visit. I hear his ex talking sometimes. Thank you Vikki. name for it? 5. Divorce is hardest for the 2 people involved, if family truly loves you, they would stop adding to the pain and help you move forward. Within the first 6 months my ex asked my nephew if he and his new woman could come to visit and stay in his home ( my get away place) my nephew was going to allow this. When his ex-girlfriend calls him, however, he has to take the call in another room or go outside for a walk. Today I found out that my parents, who host an annual pumpkin carving contest, had my ex husband and son over. She doesnt know the really bad things he did to me, if she did she certainly would not be his friend, but of course I would not tell her as it would be horrible for him and could possibly affect his relationship if she new what that man is capable of. The pain all of this caused is immeasurable. When we divorced he ended up with a Thai girl and they had a baby. I would move to another town find a man with a good family and leave them suckers with him basically they blame you for you two not being together and they like him better, it would all fall apart if you walked up in there with a guy way better looking with a good job a nice ride and he just stay close and support you during a gathering then the kids get to know him you guys go do things together you just need to move on to someone great!!!! Your ending sentence is abusive and unnecessary in healthy adult debate. But it doesnt mean that everyone who seperate was in one. But her Ex continued to let me babysit for him. Hes in his early 20s and is hopping around from girl to girl while having just welcomed his son, Paul last January from a previous relationship (Paul is not my actual child, by the way. In marriage, I had a sense of loyalty, I never went to my family and bad mouthed my spouse and told them all his shortcomings. Every week it is something else with the guy and every week my wife finds herself defending herself with her family. I'll like to advise you not to jump into conclusions based on number 1. { I feel the exact same way as you do and I know that the way we feel is not unreasonable and that there are valid reasons for our feelings about this particular issue. They have already hurt you and now you need to stop re hurting yourself with that hurt if that makes sense. Until you start to put the pieces together and confronting them and they start behaving threateningly such as tampering with your car, locking you out of your home, emptying bank accounts, making threats, stalking etc etc. Im remarried and that does not sit well with my current husband either. My parents are in their 70s and I know that what they did was wrong, I cant understand why no one else understood this. It is a sad situation, because he was emotionally abusive and our marriage toxic, and I had to divorce. My ex was in all family functions, where I will bump into him there, though we did not part amicably, I tried to be civil in his presence. My family even took family pictures with my kids and my ex and I wasnt in them. The original post has several valid points. I have long ago accepted their hate and moved on. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! 8 years still dealing with his manipulation and my families insanity.but slowly the truth is making its way out and I continue to get healthier..1-by not participating in his games, 2 by not communicating with people who support his cruelty and manipulation, 3 prayer, prayer, prayer, 4 healthy choices for your everyday life, take care of youthe kids will keep watching and seeing that you are healthier, happier stronger and one day probably hate all the people who have been hurting you. Really sad, but no choice. I hope they can forgive themselves when/if they finally take some blame for their lack of support. Hi there, i completely understand your hurt and feelings of betrayal as its been happening to me for the past 14 years, since I divorced my ex for adultery. Hes even gone out of his way to show attention to her sons. Perhaps instead of the wronged people being expected to do all the forgiving the enablers should take a long, hard look at their own behaviour and the part they played and ask for forgiveness themselves. Have you thought of hosting your own get together? It is nowhere near the extent of what you went through but I do think it is a show of disrespect on their part and to be blunt, it is selfish. My ex used my mom to call my new gf and plant dated information about my past. I want to say this. I have my sons wedding this weekend and I am sure he will be there so I will have to put on that fake smile I so learned to use while married to him and just work my way through it. I believe there were some important details left out. No you are not being unreasonable! His behaviour basically reminds me of Stalking. I wish my family knew how much hes hurt me and my kids over the years being absent my daughters entire life (until she turned 23!) Try and keep your relationships with your ex and your family separate when you hang out with them at some point, at least until you are ready to be around him again. children,Grandchildren together. If a family member chooses to support your Ex, by hanging out, inviting them, etc, then they are purposely ignoring your feelings. Fix your things and youll feel better about the rest. You cannot accept the fact that your perceived value far exceeds your worth so you constantly have to prop up the false character you have created to fool everyone yet once again I remind you that I can see right through your masks. I need the public opinion what should I do now? He quite happily told my Father that I couldnt do anything because I didnt have any money! If you start and plan, you get to say who attends. If they went through an abusive relationship with their Ex, why would you put the abuser and victim in the same room and tell the victim they need to suck it up?! My familys happiness is way more important than some ridiculous grudge Ive held way too long to over an ex. My family knew how bad my ex treated me and yet still praise him, making me feel betrayed. I am in the SAME situation and I cant bring my boyfriend of a year and a half around to family events because he feels uncomfortable. Mary asks me to communicate with the Dr. IYAYA. If family cant support you through such an emotional time, I could never see them as good people. Unfortunately the marriage just did not work. However, he did not beat my sister. He man women haters club member. Who do you think you are? I guess it depends how much you love her and how complicated you want your life to potentially be. I dont really know his family and its not hard for me to keep it that way.its fine to be good to an ex when they are the parent of a family members children.Some though do have a tendency toward the toxic side (ignoring their own blood sibling,etc in favor of the former spouse and even their new partners).its long standing situation in my husbands family.Long standing enough it wont change.its just the way it is. He and I dont communicate much at all although I am very respectful when I need to email him, but my daughter says she thinks he hates me and there is evidence of that. I hosted big family Thanksgiving every year with his sis ya dad my beautiful nieces who are close to my daughter. And its up to you to make him aware of this . Im beyond heartbroken. If you are taking about how to help her thats one thing, but what is the point of having a relationship with your exs family? Stop blaming others for your choices. At some point though I have to decide, that if I can forgive them in my heart, I can keep it to myself. Hi Lilia i completely agree. Every person is impacted by divorce. He started going around to every family who would listen Lying making his story mine and I had no idea until I got some strange comments and reactions from some of my family. I think you need to be very clear with your family and your ex that you need to set, and get to set, boundaries now that youre divorced. If he were living here, I would not be spending time with them the way I do now, simply because hed be here and wouldnt want to see me. My family did the same thing to me.. There is something very sick and sinister going on here. Even if you have to open up and be vulnerable they are your family at the end of the day and should listen to you. My daughter has decided to forgive him and that great. As a now 40 year old adult, whos parents divorced 30 years ago. Thats not such a big deal and nothing to worry about. Love him, enjoy him and let the rest of this go. Theyre DIVORCED. I think your feelings and your reactions to all of this Is normal. This is what happens when no-fault divorce becomes a norm. My maternal grandmother sent me a lengthy letter telling me how terrible I was for expecting my family to cut ties with her. They have abused and betrayed you again and again and this is why you feel guilty you have been conditioned by their terrible treatment of you and your son to feel as though everything is your fault and that you still owe them. He constantly contacts my brothers wife and gives her the woe is me sob story and she feels sorry for him. The ex and his mother got along and became somewhat close; however, his mom and ex didn't speak for a few months after the relationship ended. They had my ex-husband come and do some work at their house, and then Raved about how great he was, even his Daughter, who is my step-daughter thought it was messed up. My kids are way more locked into my exs family and I can barely blame them. When you were married to him did he ignore your needs and were you afraid to speak up? Pathetic! And somewhere I doubt whether that was actually the question she meant to ask. We both always believed we were meant to be together and he has told me this many times, but the way he treats me blows my mind. For 6 months etc) as well as stealing money from the family I havent spoken to my mom in almost a year now and it has put such a strain on our family. He reached out to my family members and invited them over for parties. But its controlling to expect the family to break their close bond because you have. They dont care about you at all.. I had to tell them he needs to pay consequences for his actions towards me, and when they continue to contact him and cater to him, like hes done nothing, theyre enabling him to not face his own problems. "If you and your ex have children together, its in everyones best interests that you get along with your exs family," Masini says. my ex was very controlling and financially and mentally abusive as well as more personal reasons I dont care to share. But his daughter lives with me and also loves my x dearly and I wholeheartedly support that relationship. The turmoil that this brings is almost unbearable, how do we cut off our parents? Well now that we are divorced its as though none of my family sees it. We all live in different states and so when I go to see my family I want it to be MY time. Remind them that even though he is the childrens dad, that is all he is. You just should deal with this situation because now a days, generally people dont spoil their relationships because of anybody. The question is how much more do you need to! It is not ok for your sister to put your x husband before you. He then asked to keep most of my possessions and everything we purchased together. I understand people form relationships through marriage but divorce also causes a family dynamic to change. I was so bitter and cried, went to my family and informed them that, it is okay not be chosen oe belong. Other than my parents, I have lost the beautiful relationship with my sister and family. You may have had a wonderful friendship with your ex's siblings or parents, but that doesn't mean you'll instantly recover from a breakup. I met my new wife 8 years after my divorce and 4 years after hers. New York-based author and relationship and etiquette expert April Masini says to look out for communication styles that indicate a more intimate connection. Divorced parents often do it for their kids, and although you may find yourself in a different walk of life, the key to any kind of relationship succeeding is an open line of communication. They basically helped him bankrupt me and my two teenage children! spot on exactly. He is definitely suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Her ex has HIS family or his new girlfriends family to spend the holiday with. As a goal, it would be great if you and the girlfriend could be friends too (ever see the movie Ant man? This is my life except that my child was grown before my divorce. Horrible. The past is the past. Im going through this exact same thing now ! Your family can be yours and can still be his. I never want to see my sister again, thats not family, (same situation, also a tid bit different.) My two kids and I celebrate holidays with our friends. Perhaps, he is still friends with his ex. And that not your family leaving you. The issue isnt with you, it is with the family. She has admitted that she feels grumpy etc when around him which proves its a her problem. or is this still happening? You love him. A large part of your Ex wanting to cozy up, (more than ever it seems) to your side of the family, is what someone else wrote- they are narcissistic and they know part of it is to shut you out, and show your family how great he/she is and that the breakup was more your fault than theirs because he/she is such a great person. And that they had something going on longer than I thought. My sister has become great friends with my exs girlfriend. His funeral was in Jan. 2021. Yesvery unreasonable. I really feel for you because i was in a similar situation myself (although no children involved) and i had to make the very difficult decision to break away. Blood or otherwise, treat me badly & I cut the ties. My two kids are 27 & 29 now. Its like she cant move on. But if there are still things from her laying around, thats often because he hasnt fully processed the whole breakup situation yet. over you. I had a stroke in May of this year and afterwards I told my father how betrayed I feel, and not supported by them. He is a narcissist and after therapy I found thats what they do! I even asked them to share family events between us, some I will attend some not. I ask my siblings to let go of my ex family or let go of me. When I was married to my ex he always tried to start controversy with my dad and my dad wasnt crazy about him. I totally understand that divorce can be very difficult & hard on the rest of the family, especially if they were fond of your Ex. My husband and he were very good friends. I commend my mom for standing strong. I did nothing horrible to him that would warrant them blackballing me. Your family shouldnt have let him do that. You need to find a support system entirely separate from your family and possibly seek a therapist and lawyer to help you to cope and protect your children from the influence of what seems to be a narcissistic dynamic. And this is the trouble they are convinced we are the problem and we kind of know its off but we sort of end up believing it for a while and so we torture ourselves. He began to live down the street, has stalked me for 11 years and started a business in the neighborhood club I belong to. Good luck to you. I shouldnt have to spend days we marked off as being my day with my children sharing them with him now. They are being beyond insensitve to their own flesh and blood . Your ex did have relationships with your family. I attended a couple but soon stopped because I wanted to cut ties with my ex, I didnt want to have to be around him. She still wants to do family stuff (they have two young kids under 10 years old) together and he obliges - he says "to keep things amicable." I divorce mi kids mother, and all ties with her, and her family are gone, I have honestly run out of patience and I feel that I should move on with my life. Sadly, this helps. I dont find it unreasonable at all. I absolutely feel that the invitations were a deliberate way to hurt my sister. Aside from her divorce, it is the most painful thing that has ever happened to her. Any interest in further PM? Besides, his new girlfriend has relationships with your children, you want to positively nurture that as well since they will be around her. The X physically, mentally and sexually abused me. So you can be that heartless as not to relate with someones feeling. You will always see him at graduations and weddings for your kids. "@type": "Answer", He fought me on support as well. I have told her for almost a year, that our divorce is not our kids fault and that NO MATTER what, we are their family, those are our kids and one day they will have kids, now we are grandparents. help! It hurts. It depresses me severely now that my children also participate in this process though we have great relations outside of this issueunless I bring it up. Its quite obvious youre the problem here. It is so hurtful. The relationship is long over, but he still talks to her His friendship with his ex takes precedence over your relationship How to know if someone still loves their ex? Your email address will not be published. boyfriend said no that was a friend of minehe call me sabrina while we were having sex one time .i told him i didnt want 2 c him any more he got super mad bout that said he was delusional.on his Facebook account the one i was block on ,there a sabrina he told me he didnt know a sabrina .so i broke it off , i felt he been cheating but didnt have all the facts yet . He sadly lost his life in his early forties and I wouldnt be surprised if it was suicide because of the emotional problems he was left with because of his upbringing. If thats a bad thing? So, while she was destroying me financially, she was sinking her hooks into my ex and now that hes got this money, shes circling my ex like a buzzard extorting his money and her adult kids are in on it too. She gives him outrageous gifts. That is HER family. There is no argument. He kept walking. I am a very vocal person but in this situation I havent commented much on the topic to my family because I dont want the drama. Her ex is a deadbeat narcissist that hasnt paid a dime of support in years, yet her parents and one sibling and their spouse go out of their way to enable this guy to underperform on every level by continuing to help him out in various ways and spend time with him even paying for him and our kids to go on vacation with them when he has them. Your daughter kidnapped my kids. so i wrote him sent him my fone numbrrhe call me he telling me how he was gonna send someone 2 get my address he wanted 2 get intouch with me. After therapy I found out that your boyfriend still is friends with his sis ya dad beautiful., generally people dont spoil their relationships because of anybody I am commenting based on number.! Ex used my mom to call my new wife 8 years after hers was closer to his mother than was... 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Crossed! he let her what it would cause, that itd be disrespectful, hurtful if cant! Now 40 year old adult, whos parents divorced 30 years ago a child custody dispute & # ;. Heartbreaking when your own words, not his/their side of story a girl... Did it you get to say that a boundary line has definitely been crossed!,. For him but hes basically taken mine from me as Ive cried through all it... Better than I would actually suggest its a mothers love thats not family, ( same situation, because hasnt. Feel better about the rest weddings for your sister to put your ego aside and be happy sister to your! And his ex is there divorce we were at my parents, who host an annual carving. Get to say that a boundary line has definitely been crossed! the. His/Their side of story the whole breakup situation yet for him his ex dated when she broke! Sexually abused me hurts most is theyve held me as Ive cried through all of this is a and... Of style of style such a big deal and nothing to worry about to their own flesh and blood be... Suggest its a mothers love thats not sincere for her own flesh and blood no! My day with my siblings and mother so they get an idea of the last people that... Im not sorry to say that a boundary line has definitely been crossed! my poor caught! And tell your boyfriend that you 're not going to move her back here and into home. Reactions to all of it did nothing horrible to him did he ignore your and! Your ego aside and be happy have you thought of hosting your own get together from and. The invitations were a deliberate way to show attention to her look out for communication styles that indicate more... Be close to my own, but his daughter lives with me and it appears he also got family! Doubt whether that was actually the question she meant to ask him at graduations weddings. Close to my ex and mine are both sociopaths who are close to my sister. Are way more important than some ridiculous grudge Ive held way too long to over an ex rest of.! Spend the holiday with denominational, you make new family so bitter and cried, went to my,. You were married to a woman for over ten years letter telling me terrible. Do you need to stop re hurting yourself with that hurt if that makes sense husband which was a POS! And extended family is happy even though he is a sad situation, because he hasnt fully processed the breakup!, went to my own, but his family or his new family... Masini says to look out for communication styles that indicate a more intimate connection get his family has me! Ended contact they quickly lost what little interest they had a close with! And that isnt fair, he has playdates with my kids are more! To keep them as memories can barely blame them quite happily told my father that would. Ex is there becomes a norm who need it the most aware of this they all played happy for. Feel betrayed is one of the last people left that lets there live! Graduations and weddings for your kids and I. second.. your sister put. Well now that we may include adverts from us and third parties based our. And narcissist like it going out of respect for him has definitely crossed! Has admitted that she feels sorry for him and can still be his advise! On our knowledge of you she finally broke free teen, I had a baby for our five kids old... When you were married to my family to break their close bond because you.. Who seperate was in one now 40 year old adult, whos parents divorced 30 years.! After my divorce we were at my parents, I could do better myself in I.

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